Monday, January 10, 2011

"If she would've told me then I wouldn't have sold the car!" 
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"...insurance would've been cheaper."
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"But, no. She didn't want to take the stupid test and I sold the car. Then 2 weeks later she was all Miss. Oh-I-want-to-take-the-test-now!"
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My eyes blinked rapidly as I tried to keep the tears from falling. My parents could have at least had the decency to talk about me when I wasn't sitting right behind them. I looked up at the ceiling trying to dry my eyes so the tears would soak back into my eyes instead of onto my shirt.
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I know that I should've taken the test and then they would've still had their car, but I was scared! For goodness sakes, I was a teenager, and a girl one at that! Which entitles me to mood-swings. I told them not to sell the car but they were all like no, we want to sell the car.
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So in all honesty it was their fault...
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...okay it wasn't. I know, I know, I shouldn't blame my parents for my mistakes, still...did they not care about me at all? The only thought going through my mind then was that I hated my parents. And I knew that was wrong and stupid but gosh I hated them right there. It was like they didn't care about my feelings at all. They didn't even try to understand what I felt.
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And when I did try to tell them my mom would bring up the whole 'oh your dad only had a week to learn and he took the test and passed, and I only had 3 weeks'. Talk about a major guilt trip. I know that they birthed me and gave me shelter and food and yada yada, but again I was just a girl teenager with major mood-swings.
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So unable to stand their not so discreet talk about me, I ran to my room because I wasn't able to hold the tears back anymore.
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Not a minute later I heard my mom's voice asking 'What's wrong?" I dried my tears the best I could and responded back a normal as possible, "I'm okay." Which was a total lie and I knew that. Didn't stop me from doing it though. I didn't want her to feel guilty and go all into mommy mode. I just was not ready for that.
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I took a deep breath as I heard a knock on my door. Oh what a surprise it was my 'mommy'. I gave her a deadpan, "what?" She analyzed me looking for goodness knows what. She probably thought I was doing drugs or something. 
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Over her shoulder though I saw my little brother's head peeking out from his bedroom door and he flashed me an understanding smile. I smiled in response because at least I wasn't the only one feeling the way I did. It was nice to know that someone understood.

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