What do I do about my brother? He's growing up so fast and we're drifting so far away that all we ever do is scream at each other. I'm scared for him, because I don't want him hanging out with the wrong people and screwing up his life but I can't exactly control his life either.
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It seems lately all I've done is pray that my brother will somehow listen to God and I'm afraid he doesn't know God; every time I try to broach the subject all he does is tune me out and stick ear-buds into his ears. I didn't know being an older sister was so stressful, I wish I could protect him from everything but...I haven't always been there for him and now...now he doesn't talk to me anymore about his problems.
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Most of the days, he's on the computer and...
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Sigh, I'm gonna keep on praying, and keep on working on it; it's just sometimes I feel so helpless, sometimes I feel as if I'm the worst big sister in the world, like I wasn't cut out for this.

Valentine's Day's just around the corner. A joy for couples and for those single just sickening, with all the couples kissing and talking about their romantic plans while little ole you is sitting home, alone, once again.
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Yes, that is bitterness in my voice, le sigh, It used to not bother me and honestly it didn't start bothering me until Friday, during my history class.
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Let me explain.
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I was doing my homework, like a good little student, when, let's call her "K." starts talking about something that causes the whole classroom to start talking and well actually that's routine. "K." tends to have a big mouth and no personal boundaries, everyone needs to know everything about her and to be honest the girl really is charming and all that so I can't blame people for liking her.
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That being besides the point, the teacher, yes my teacher who's very nosy, asks "K." about what she's doing for Valentines Day, and "K." being the popular girl she is blushes and starts stammering. Then she takes a deep breath and happily exclaims she's going on a double date.
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Everyone "aws" and then one of the guys talks about how he's going to ask his girlfriend to prom, which was really sweet because he was, never mind I won't post his idea online for the world to read.
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Ah and this is where the sad me comes in as the teachers starts asking people around the room if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend and what their plans are and so on.(Yeah, like I said, my teacher's she's kind of nosy but it's not really her fault most of the student's are really open and tend to spill about their lives to her, so yeah.) And I could only pray to God if I kept my head down that she wouldn't notice me.
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God was merciful and she chose the guy that was close to me. That's basically how the rest of class went, me trying to duck my head and hiding behind piles of books to avoid detection and wishing the bell would ring already. Awkwardest class, ever.
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Although I'm sure it would have gone better if I had a guy to brag about so, eh. I'm sure I'll get over this spaz moment of "why the heck does my love life, er NOT exist" but until then I'm stuck at home watching sappy movies like Titanic or The Notebook and crying as they don't get their happy ending, nodding as I think to myself that love just brings hurt and that I'm better off being forever alone.
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'Course, I'm lying to myself but it's nice to not live in reality every once in a while.

Because when a guy picks another girl, which you know is prettier than you, OVER you, it really messes with your self esteem.

Because even though I know it wasn't personal, it kind of was.

Hah, like my self esteem wasn't low enough already. Bleh.