It's weird how something tiny can trigger something so large.
:)
I don't know what happened, but I'm not so sad anymore. Maybe God is telling me something or He's just looking out for me, but...
:_
Honestly I can't explain it.
:)
Let me explain. I was extremely stressed out because of school and well just stuff in general and really wanted to cry, so I did.
:)
And I feel so much better, not when I was crying, but after. When I was crying, all I could think of was that I was so weak, why was I such a crybaby? But then when my tears subsided, I...it felt comforting, a relief, if you will. I..can't really explain it, but I can't thank God enough.
:)
I seemed to have found a little bit of joy in this week, in the little things, like my brother's teasing, my mom's nagging, my friends asking me "What's up?", it's just, I've been forgetting the big picture.
:)
This life of mine here on this earth, it doesn't matter, all these trivial things I worry about like if that guy likes me or if I'm gonna fail another test, it's stupid and tiny compared to the importance of well God. It...gosh, I can't even seem to form a complete thought to type, anyways...it seems as if I forgot that God gave me this life, he saved me. And all I've done is nothing.
:_
That's not okay, that's not what God planned for me. I wasn't meant to just float around and go through the motions, that's not what he plans for any of us, but that's just it, we really don't know what He's planned for us, we just have to trust, believe, and have faith. We shouldn't worry about tomorrow because God provides us with what He knows we need, not what we want.
:)
I don't completely understand God's plan, but to be honest I don't think I ever will, but that's okay, I did learn something. My time with God should be always, my faith in Him should be unshakable, and my trust in him should be everyday.
:)
I've made a lot of mistakes since school started, I seemed to have let my drama, my problems, my selfishness, rule my life and that's unacceptable. God is number one and should remain at the top. I'm sorry, God, that I'm not who you want me to be but know that I will try, I may not succeed, but I will try.
:)
~Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see~ Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)

I'm drifting right now in limbo. I'm stuck in between the point of not caring anymore. Everything has taken a turn to the gray and bleak and there just seems to be no reason for anything. I mean it does all amount to nothing, it even says in the Bible everything we do on earth in Ecclesiastes(probably misspelled... never mind, there's word check or whatever that's called) is worthless. I don't even know why I bother anymore, it just makes me stressed out.
Everything from doing well in school, doing bad things, worrying, living, it's...so pointless. Heh, wow I sound depressed...but really all that hooey about love and life and adventure, the glamour fades eventually and you're left with a broken doll that's just going through the motions just because.
...and I hate that. I hate that everything's become so pointless, I hate that I've let myself drift so far away from the goal God had set before me, I hate that I can't seem to do anything right or even want to do anything, anymore. I hate how whiny I am, I just have so much hatred right now and I'm confused at whether it's at the world or myself. 
I'm tired. I'm so sick of everything. I want my life with God back. I want that state of not caring about stupid worldly things and worry about what God wants me to do. I'm just so tired.
God, please, hear my plea. Help me.
...I just realized I didn't put any smiles in between paragraphs...but honestly I can't force myself to do that right now, it'd be stupid because I don't believe I can smile right now, not when I can't even frown but can only stare blankly doing nothing.