Gosh, I hate crying. It makes me feel so absolutely and pathetically...weak.  I'm tired of my parents, my life, and just everything.
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This is ALL my fault. And I absolutely hate myself right now. If I hadn't been born, my parents would be happy. My brother wouldn't be so angsty. My friends would probably be happier and popular.
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I HATE MYSELF.
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But that's okay just I want everything to be okay again. I hate it when my parents fight, usually it's over something stupid but today it was ALL MY FAULT. And I hate that.
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If I had just been a bit more patient. Just waited just a little bit longer...then all this could have been avoided. If you were trying to teach me a lesson God, I got it loud and clear. Next time I'll wait...I just can't guarantee I won't be too late next time.
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Broken communication leads to misconstrued messages leading to a big falling out. Lesson learned, do you hear me God?  I'm not crying anymore. It's stupid to waste tears on something that can never change. It's stupid and not worth it and I HATE MYSELF.
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No more tears. No more weakness. No more caring. I wish I was like a robot and simply didn't care. I hate how pathetically weak I am. Crying...no, I'm done with that. I'm done with this. I'm just done. I can't force myself to continue in this house.
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It hurts so bad. Today gave me the ultimate push into a suicidal person's mind. I could literally feel how much I wanted to take my own life just to escape this place I call "home". I can tell you right now that I can never forgive myself. No, I...I know the title says "smile because there's darkness before light" but I don't have the strength to even utter a smile because it's so pathetically fake, it's not even worth the attempt.
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I might be making a mountain out of a mole hole, but the guilt was so all-consuming...I would never take my own life though, no matter how overpowering the guilt is, so no worries there.
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I'll just be a little warped. Hah, that deserved a little smile. Just a tiny one...Okay, so I lied I can still smile...sort of.