**Update** It seems the shock has worn off and I can't get the tears to stop. Gosh, how stupid can I get? I know it's all trivial sort of if you call making a dent trivial. I guess I've always had a problem with yelling.
:)
And disappointment. I hate that feeling where you feel like you've let everyone down. I let my parents down by not listening to them and making them pay for what's my mistake. I set a bad example for my brother. And I failed myself by not doing what I should have done.
:)
I guess my mom yelling at me and saying I deserved to be yelled at broke me. The truth always hurts more when it's pointed out. I just have one question. How do you get the tears to stop?
:)
I'm so tired of this back and forth between my parents. In the end though, I have no one to blame but myself. I should have been more careful. I should have been more observant. I should have listened. But I didn't.
:)
And therein lies the problem. I just want to go away. That's all I've ever wanted. Just to go away. Far far away to a place where I can do good instead of harm. I hate how I keep failing everyone. I hate how everything just blows up in my face. And what I can't stand more than anything is this stupid self-pity. 
:)
I can't stand the fact that I'm being such a stupid petty child. And crying. Gosh, I should be able to take the yelling, it could be so much worse and I'm complaining?
:)
That's what I can't stand about myself. I get too absorbed into my own problems and don't realize the people I'm hurting.
:)
I want to be better. I don't want to hurt anyone. And gosh darn it, I have to thank you God so much for my little brother. Even though his attempt was pretty pathetic it did cause me to smile. I'll always have my little brother and I love him so much. He doesn't know it but he's my little brother and I'm suppose to be protecting him, not the other way around.
:)
Little brothers really are a gift from God. Thank you God.
~Psalm 119:28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to Your Word.~