Scared. No, it was much worse than that. It was blinding terror. My heart raced faster than a race horse on drugs. It...at first, the confusion, the dark, the faces, they all flashed through my mind and I couldn't conjure up the reason for my irrational feelings.
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But then I took a breathe. I looked through the darkness, making out little things like the door, a TV, my teddy-bear, my hand.
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It was just a dream.
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A terrifying dream. Nightmare. But the thoughts remained. I...usually I don't remember my dreams but this...this dream, or vision or whatever was haunting.
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Dead. They were all dead. My family, my friends, children I didn't know, bodies just dead. Red staining crimson was so bright, it blinded my eyes, scarred and branded forever in my head. I...I don't remember the reason or how they...died, but it just, the sense of absolute helplessness, paralyzed me. I couldn't move, I couldn't think, I could barely breathe.
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When I was finally able to think, I...I moved to them, wanting to touch them, see if what I was seeing was actually real. If maybe this was just some sick joke, some cruel prank, some kind of illusion.
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It felt so real, my mom, oh goodness gracious, my sweet mother, who's always been my mentor, the woman who brought me into this world...she was so cold. Her skin felt like winter, ice, cold, and bitter. A slap to the face, shocking. No, she couldn't just be gone. 
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I had so many regrets.
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The first and foremost was the one time I was in elementary school, mom told me to go read my book like a good little girl. I got so mad. My brother, who didn't go to school yet, got to watch tv and I didn't. I had to go do homework. I hated her. And I wrote that down. Over a dozen times, I sat in my room writing I hate mom, over and over again instead of doing homework. I, then she came to my room to check on me. She saw the paper in my hands. I tried to hide it. She tugged it to her face. She read. The quiet was deafening. And she ran. High-tailed it out of there and I sat there. Still. I...I didn't realize what my words would do to her. I was just so mad. So filled with petty anger. Then I ran. Ran when I heard the sobs. Ran to my mom's room, the lights were out but the sobs enlightened me to her position.
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She was crying on the bed. I asked her what was wrong. It was stupid but I wanted her to say it wasn't me that made tears run down her face. She didn't answer, her cries got louder. I tried to look at her face. She buried it in the blanket. I tried to pull the blanket away. She wouldn't let me. I hugged her and apologized. It wasn't enough. So the cries continued as I started to panic. Over and over again I said sorry. I had never seen her cry before, the fact that it was me that made her cry, a woman so strong, made my little child heart ache.
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She did stop crying. But from that day on, I don't believe she ever forgave me. 
;
She joked about it once and sometimes she goes on and says "I know you don't like it, but you can hate me". Maybe she doesn't blame me.
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But I blame me. And I feel as if everything I do now, it's making up for that one stupid moment. Regret, it's so bitter.
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My brother he was next, my little brother, how I loved that boy. I wish I had spent more time with him. We didn't spend enough time together and now...
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Dad. Never daddy. We...there was no "we". I was just a kid in the house.
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My friends, I was so busy studying...
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Those children that I didn't know. So young, no chance to live. Gone.
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But then like I said I woke up. But the emotions, the raw emotions they clawed at me, like a beast trying to rip me apart from the inside out. I don't know if it seems childish but I leaped out of bed and peeked in my brother's room, but didn't turn on the lights.
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Instead I walked to his bed's side and made sure he was there. I let out a sigh of relief and pulled the blankets over him.
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My parents. I stood outside their bedroom. But even from there I could hear their separate snores and I smiled.
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They were okay.
:)
It truly was just a dream.
:)
But it also wasn't. Those...I needed to get my life together. I can't just live day by day, I can't just let those regrets turn into actual regrets when there was something I could do about it. Because right now, it was just a dream and tomorrow was still bright. No red stained tomorrow.
:)
I don't claim to know much because right now I'm still learning. But so far I've learned in anger, stupid things are done and if not rectified immediately the consequences are haunting. Love is many things and no one definition can define it. Life is so much more than just one day, one moment, it's just so much more than we can ever imagine. Death isn't something to be scared of, it's to embraced because once it's our time we should be glad to go home to the Lord. Mistakes mean we're human but we can't use humanity as an excuse for mistakes. Our sense of justice is skewed because of our emotions and no matter what anybody says there truly is no justification for taking a life. When we, humans, try to play God, we get screwed over. There is only One God. Justice may not be brought on in this life or our time, but it is always dealt. Life isn't fair, so just live with it. Keep your innocence as long as you can because no matter what, once it's gone, it's gone. Life is seen best through a child's eye. Every single moment matters, even the pain-filled, grief-stricken ones. Music is the soul's way of speaking. Children are God's gift and should be treated as the most precious. Don't live just to live, smile, be happy, find joy in the tiny things, smile because even in this earth, even in this forsaken place, there are things to smile and laugh at. 
:)
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Because I don't care who the heck you are, good always wins over evil. Light will always prevail over darkness. So for the heck of it, just SMILE! Even if you look crazy smiling to yourself, smile. Even if the pain is threatening to cripple you with it's weight, smile. Even if the grief has a a death hold on your heart, smile. Because a smile may just be a mask now, it may just be fake now, but every smile is a whisper of hope, a strand of strength, one more step to full out grinning.