I shifted in my seat, awkwardly and uncomfortably. I was currently squished between my best friend and a church youth leader who I really didn't know...talk about weird. It's not that I didn't like her or anything; she was really and genuinely nice...just really critical.
:)
I didn't expect this trip to be so...awkward. I just wasn't good at meeting new people; I had this really weird thing where I shut down when meeting new people. I get really shy and don't know what to say and stuff. I don't know...I'm just shy.
:)
Anyways I was at a concert called the Winter Jam which is like a concert full of Christian artists. The ride here which was 3 hours, reeeallly long because I'm not so patient, I was feeling good and all pumped up for the concert.
:)
I was talking and chatting, not super a lot but enough that I wasn't totally silent.
:)
So there was this speaker and he was amazing. Not in that he was good-looking, which he was, but he spoke from the heart and he just got to me. 
:)
He was saying all this stuff how his mom was like a psycho and he had been given him up when he was only a couple months old then he was basically pushed into a foster home that abused him in more ways than one. But then he spoke about a family that adopted him who was a Christian, God-loving family. They gave him a home, food, and told him the story of Jesus. 
:)
Not too long later he accepted Jesus into his heart as Savior and Lord.
:)
I had been saved but a couple years ago and lately I guess I had my priorities messed up. I've been so messed up on school and all that I'd pushed God to the end of my list..and I just felt awful. I could literally feel the tears clinging to my eyelashes just ready to be unleashed.
:)
I tried looking up so I wouldn't right out sob in front of the thousands of people here. 
:)
The speaker then prayed and asked us to pray along with him. And I did. 
:)
Then something happened. Something like shifted in me or something. I'm not sure but Francesa Battistelli was up. And she said: If you're here and you really don't know why this song, it's about God's amazing mercy and love. So this is Beautiful, Beautiful. (okay so this wasn't exactly what she said, but something of the sorts...sorry don't have a good memory)
:)
And cue the tears.
:)
I literally sat there and cried...subtly as the song went on. 
:)
Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace
:)
I tried to wipe my tears away so no one would notice and I think I succeeded because no one gave me an odd look or an "are you okay?"
:)

Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

:)

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face'

:)

I, in my head, gave God a thank you. For sending me to this concert so I realized what I was doing. So I could realize that I had pushed God back and now he needed to go back and be the top of my life. I told God that I'd do better. I'd try harder to not let it happen again. God had done so much in my life...the least I could do was remember to worship and live for him.

:)

As the chorus came on again, I sang. With a renewed sense of faith I sang and I smiled. Albeit a bit teary I smiled so so grateful that God, the almighty God of the universe, loved me, a class-A screw up. 

:)

Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful