I pursed my lips as the thoughts raged through my mind. It seemed like lately everything was against me and I had absolutely no time for anything. Gosh I was a raging mess of hormones...pfft, whoever said it was easy being a girl...was a big fat liar.
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Honestly I just was overwhelmed with everything that was dropped into my lap. School, family, friends, health...the list goes on and on and on and well you get the point.
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Stupid, really. It also didn't help that I was the absolute queen of procrastination...what? It wasn't my fault...it's just easier to push things off until the last minute possible...okay I lied, it's really hard and stupid, but habits are hard to break.
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Anyways I digress.
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So I was mostly freaked out about school, because well, it's school and recently I haven't been doing so well, go figure.
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Blech, I forgot where I was going with this. Oh yeah, last night I had a strange epiphany of sorts.
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I was talking to God, you know those in-depth talks that you have with your best friend? Yeah, it was one of those. I generally don't have a lot of them, but lately it seems like I have.
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Anyways, I decided last night that I wouldn't worry, which is major in my book because I also hold the crown of queen worry-wart. Really.
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So, as it was I decided that I'd leave the hands of fate up to God and that he could do whatever he wanted with tomorrow. I was simply going to worry about today. Because as the saying goes, worry about today but let tomorrow worry about itself...er at least that's what I think it says...my minds kind of off in la-la land...psst, it's 2:30 in the morning, or at least some time around there.
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Yosh, I know I should be sleeping...but I've also have had trouble sleeping lately...pfft, I have no clue why but it seems like I've become an insomniac.
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Gah, I'm sorry, I keep getting distracted, stupid attention span, you'd think it'd get longer with age but it's the opposite for me...same thing with my memory, unfortunately.
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Yeah, so back to my conversation with God. It's really a lot harder than you'd think to put tomorrow in God's hands, because as humans we like control, we like to know what we're up against, right? Well, I think so anyways.
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So that's what I did. Possibly the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and possibly the smartest because I felt a lingering sense of peace when I told God that I was going to put my life into his hand and let the chips fall where they may.
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And here I am the next day feeling like someone just asked me to jump into a pool filled with ice cream...FANTASTIC. Really I had no clue that by just letting go of that control would give me such a feeling of freedom. To be free...
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God is the most unpredictable and unconventionable miracle in my life and I couldn't love Him anymore because of it.
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Honestly He's the best thing in my life and I know that I forget that a lot, but He's always been there for me.
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And I've realized just lately that you can never guess at how He's going to act. He's God and it's simple as that. Cue smile filled with absolute gratitude at the big guy in the sky.
:)